The Twin Flame Conundrum

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

I never really fully understood what the spiritual community meant by a “twin flame” and I confused the term for a soulmate for a really long time. I’m finding the people who truly meet their twin flames are those who dare to live with passion and purpose, despite impossible odds. The desire to live your fullest life that helps others will set your life in motion to meet them. The events that lead to meet them may be heart wrenching and difficult, but it was the Universe doing you a kindness to redirect your life perfectly. Twin flames are literally a part of your soul with a shared purpose, and are the most incredible mirror of your self. Everything about you will be amplified. The meeting of twin flames is so intense, both are changed forever. Sometimes the meeting is brief. But more likely, it’s a string of events that can be described as a roller coaster, a push and pull, a magnet that both attracts and repels. It will leave your friends and family questioning, and your brain second guessing. But your heart will always know and be set on this person.

I find that most people don’t even meet their twin flames and lead perfectly fulfilling lives with their soulmate or karmic relationship. Some people meet their twin flames and never actually marry them. The relationship is so intense, that it’s difficult to maintain in this 3dimensional reality. Both partners need to constantly release negativity and work on themselves to even hope to be together. A twin is your mirror, and while it can mirror the most heavenly love back to you, it can also mirror every insecurity, and every dark place you still hold in the back of your consciousness.

How do you know if you met your twin flame? I can only really speak to my own experience. You will instantly recognize them as someone significant, because it will be in perfect, divine timing. For me, I always see repeating 4’s during significant times, and the first time I learned the name of mine, I also saw his phone number ending in 444. You’ll meet your twin flame with such a small decision that could have gone either way. Then one day you’ll realize it was always meant to happen. They will share life experiences that you yourself have gone through that you didn’t think was possible to be shared with another human. You may listen to the same music, or have the same type of dogs, or share the same beliefs. My twin flame and I both lost 100 lbs, and left really unhealthy lifestyles around the same year. He also came into and lost a lot of money the same years I did, supporting our family and friends. When I first walked into my twin flame’s apartment, it looked exactly like my first apartment from the color on the walls, to the dream catchers displayed in the same weird way, to the same products and the same vibes. You can probably find yourself around their kitchen, and every single thing will be in the same spot, down to the same exact glass cutting board you both purchased. You may even both share the same random first concert, and it could be a band that often sings about love and intuition, and a higher power, even if they aren’t popular anymore. You may also both question yourself in similar ways, and have the deepest empathy you’ve ever felt for another human. If they are having a bad day, you can feel it, even hundreds of miles away.

When you are together, either everything will line up and fall together in the most magical, synchronistic way, or it can be a series of unfortunate events. You both manifest so strongly together that your focus of your thoughts will attract your reality and experiences for the day. This is by design, to manifest a big purpose together. Here in lies the twin flame conundrum. You and your twin flame truly have to master yourselves to make sure you are both manifesting the beautiful things you both deserve, versus the hell your darker parts try to make you believe you deserve. This was a hard one for me to recognize as someone who has grown so much and overcame some really testing situations. If your twin flame is struggling to love themselves enough to overcome their past, you also have more work to do. If your twin flame is still punishing themselves for past mistakes, instead of living in the moment, then you are too. Your twin is literally your perfect mirror, and any part of their ego you are analyzing is probably something you’ll have to analyze yourself.

I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned a few things I would like to share:

1. Don’t take the hard times too seriously, and remain positive. Your focus becomes your world, especially with the power behind your twin flame manifestations. Let the negative go, transmute perceived problems, and tell the story of the good times and the good things, and remind yourself how everything is working out as it should.

2. Things aren’t always as they seem. Twin flames connect on the deepest levels, and to focus on what’s happening on the surface level is missing the big picture.

3. Send them love, always. The moment you start sending them any darker emotion, is the moment you are only creating trouble for yourself. This also extends to what you say about them to other people. Your twin flame is a super intuitive person like yourself, and you want them to feel good, and in turn you’ll feel good.

4. Compassion is key. To have compassion for what your twin flame is going through is also extending compassion to yourself. Punishing them for a behavior is the last thing you want to do. The best thing is to try to extend understanding for anything that may be perceived as negative.

5. Focus on yourself. This seems counter intuitive sometimes, but when you are kind to yourself, you are doing them a kindness. This Love is so deep, that when you focus on yourself, and raise your own vibration, you are also uplifting them.

If I could tell myself one thing when I first met him, it would be to not be so caught up in whether or not you are in “union”. If you close your eyes, and you can feel them, there you go. You are in union. I hope this helps someone going through the same thing. There’s no exact manual or exact science, but this world is full of healers and people with purpose to help change the world for the better. With the state of our world, it’s no wonder that people with huge purposes are walking this planet. Everything is perfect, and everything is happening as it should. Trust the Universe. 💚✌🏼

When the Unthinkable Happens: 5 Lessons from the Afterlife

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

Hearing about the death of a family member has triggered some deep reflection today. I think back to losing my dad, and how painful the funeral and family drama really was for me and my sibling. Dealing with a close death was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and I did it at such a young age. At the same time, it has taught me so much more about myself, existence, and divine timing than I could have ever imagined. It’s easy when something traumatic happens in this third dimensional reality to focus on the physical absence. What’s beautiful has been to see my dad reach out to us through undeniable signs, famous mediums, and not-so-famous intuitives during the passed eight years. I chronicle these life changing experiences in my upcoming book.

There are a few life and afterlife lessons I have learned definitively that I want to share with those who are grieving today:

1. Death is completely physical. Consciousness survives the physical death of the body. I received confirmation upon confirmation of this fact. One of the most hair raising moments was when it sounded like my dad’s voice and personality was literally coming through Theresa Caputo, TLC’s The Long Island Medium. Furthermore, modern science is also explaining death is an illusion through quantum physics.

2. While no one ever really dies, their perspective changes to a metaphysical perspective. They no longer see existence from this third dimensional, human experience. Having this new bird’s eye view enables our loved ones to watch over us and work with angels to bring us signs, serving a new purpose in our lives as guardian angels.

3. No matter how abrupt or untimely the death of someone seems, all death is on divine time. Awakening to this fact requires faith and trust. Like all experiences in life, we have the free will choice to let the experience tear us apart or make us stronger than ever. Making positive interpretations of death brings us to the highest perspective, inviting the miraculous into our lives.

4. Speaking with our deceased loved ones is only a mental phone call away. While I didn’t always get an immediate reply, my dad always heard me and found ways to answer my questions. Know that they do see us, hear us, and know what we are going through.

5. Our loved ones find their loved ones who have passed on the other side. No one is ever really alone and separation is an illusion. One of the first things my dad let me know is that he found his brother, which I wrote about how I came to know this years ago in my blog post “All Gays Go to Heaven“.

These lessons have been learned through a lot of tears, and a lot of healing. My heart goes out to everyone going through losing a loved one. My intention is to share my experiences with the hope it brings comfort to those who feel lost. No one ever really dies, and death is not the end, just a doorway. We all eventually walk through that door. Love shared is eternal, and you will meet again.

Indigo Problems: Modern Dating

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

Our generation is full of fiery indigo spiritual warriors who want humanity to be free. Indigos stand up for injustice on such a passionate platform, no matter where the chips may fall. These characteristics, while admirable, don’t always translate well into the dating world. Commitment, devotion and loyalty may seem to be synonymous with wearing shackles, tethering yourself to another individual for the indigo. The indigo spirit shuns anything that seems to impose on personal freedoms, including being with someone which may seem to limit your freedom connecting with others.

Even those who are experiencing synchronicity with a potential mate may run into doubts and problems. Synchronicity is a term coined by psychologist Carl Jung. He recognized that meaningful coincidences exist in this world as confirmation from the universe. What helped me recognize meaningful coincidences as miraculous is actually having a business background. Once you study statistics, you realize that the chances of experiencing a string of profound coincidences are one in a billion. Albert Einstein believed that coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. My experiences have confirmed that synchronicity is experiencing the most tangible presence of God in this third dimensional density. I see answers to my prayers come to me when I follow synchronicity. It’s here for everyone but because we have free will, we can choose to ignore it. We can choose to live without it. We can choose to turn our backs to the miraculous.

Why do people choose to ignore divine guidance? This topic could be an article all on it’s own, but the most simple answer is fear. Following synchronicity means you are trusting in a divine intelligence. Many people struggle to give up their need to control everything. Following divine guidance is a form of surrendering your ego. Letting go of the ego can be difficult, depending where you are at on your spiritual journey.

As an intuitive and former whistleblower, I strongly identify with indigo qualities. I, however, feel great freedom in love. Here’s why: to be unconditionally loved by someone is the greatest form of freedom you’ll ever know. To be yourself, unapologetically, and to still have someone love you unconditionally empowers you to just be you. Making that switch in my mind that love doesn’t mean you limit my choices, but love means you build upon and strengthen who I am, has made the difference in opening my heart to love.

We live in an abundant universe so never believe for a second that love will be denied. The most important thing you can do is to love yourself. Focus on things that inspire you. Follow your passions. Do things that interest you. These actions will lead you to people who also share similar passions. You’ll find that love you are looking for as soon as you call off the search. There is great freedom in love, and recognizing that fact will soothe even the most rebellious indigo soul.

Surrender Your Situation: That One Time I was Homeless

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

Not knowing your next move is such a magical place. It is in the unplanned moments that life blossoms. When we give our lives the flexibility to transform, when we make room for the universe to bring whatever it wishes into our lives, we open ourselves up to our highest potential. When we try to control every minute detail of our existence, we are doing ourselves a disservice. It is when we give up the need to control everything and trust in a divine intelligence that we invite divine manifestations into our lives.

The most magical, interesting time of my life was the time I was homeless. My transition from the corporate insurance world was anything but smooth. Not many people realize that I actually found myself living in a motel in Detroit with two weiner dogs without a penny to my name or a job. I was the weirdo homeless person driving my things around in a financed BMW 545i. I was back and forth about leaving what turned into an abusive marriage, and found myself friendless and without familial support, whatsoever. When I had turned to the family and friends I once supported to help me with a deposit on a new apartment, they were done. They didn’t really know what to think of me. On one hand, the people of my life saw me experience some amazing things, like my dad contacting me via The Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo. Some people did understand my passion for writing about my experiences and many of them saw my potential as a spiritual writer. Most people thought I was crazy throwing away my corporate career on new age writing. On the other hand, they saw me constantly seeing the positive in an abusive situation that I would not let go of. My mess was my mess and no one stood behind me as long as I stood with him. Everyone was tired of seeing me struggle and completely let me go at that time in my life.

What is interesting is that “losing everything” brought me to exactly where I needed to go. It was in the most fearful moments of my life that I finally decided to surrender. I knew consciousness survived physical death. I knew angels were all around me. What I struggled with was giving up my own control to that of divine guidance.

I spent about a week in a motel calling every apartment complex I knew of in Oakland County. I was constantly being turned down. Without a job, landlords didn’t want to take a chance on me. It was tempting to lie and say I still sold insurance, but I knew in my gut I would eventually find the perfect place being perfectly honest. I kept my faith during impossible odds. Things were getting desperate. I was down to the last little bit of money I had saved and could only afford one more night in the motel.

I was sitting in a bar using free wifi to search places when I got a call back from a landlord in northern Oakland County. I remember taking down the address. The street number was “144”, which is a powerful angel number. Repeating 4’s is the angels’ way of bringing your attention to their presence. When I met the landlord at the apartment, I told him my story and my vision for my life. I unapologetically spoke of angels and what happens to our loved ones when they leave us. I spoke about the book I wanted to write and how I wanted to help people who were grieving to know that no one ever really dies. The landlord happened to be a religious man with a passion for the spiritual. He let me sign a lease that day and move in immediately. The location of this apartment spurred my way into the natural foods industry. It just so happened to be located near a 40-year-old health store that was hiring. I walked to work to a health food store by day and wrote my book by night. It was there I learned so much knowledge about holistic living that has served me so well and has helped me serve others. That industry brought an army of spiritual warriors around me who also have had similar experiences. I had to shed the friends who didn’t understand, and that hurt, but it was worth it. It was through these experiences that I met my soul group. I met my tribe.

If I had the power to outline my life as I saw fit back then, I could never have envisioned how amazing things actually worked out. We must remember that our finite human minds may not understand what is happening in the bigger picture, but the infinite has already worked out something miraculous. Trusting the universe is not always easy. Sometimes giving into fear is easier in the moment. When we do decide to let go, and be honest and keep putting one foot in front of the other, things have a way of working out in your favor. I trust in the miraculous. I trust that things always work out for the best. As I get older, I trust it even more. My spiritual team on the other side always has my back, and I am never alone. I truly hope my story inspires you to start trusting the same truth, as it is here for everyone. You must always trust in the miraculous, darling.

Soulmates, Twin Flames, and Lessons: How Do We Know?

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

Soulmates, twin flames, and lessons: how do we know? And more importantly, how can we manifest these unions? It’s taken a lot of love and a lot of loss for me to gain some clarity on romance for the spiritually-minded goddess. When you have developed your intuition and empathy over the years, when you do finally meet someone who lights you up, your love is intense, the signs will come flying, and you may find yourself overcome with passion for that individual. The difficult balance is communicating these intense feelings without scaring off your potential partner. The beautiful news is that like attracts like, and the person you are connecting with has likely seen the synchronistic moments, felt your loving presence, and also has some type of passion for you as well. The interesting question on my mind is what if the other person hasn’t quite mastered their intuition or opened their heart fully? The impatience sets in when you realize union between two flames can only happen once both people are tuned in to their divine guidance and loving themselves completely. Only then will you be ready to love each other in such a deeply conscious way.

The magical element to attraction is that every person sent to you is meant to teach you something. You may go through years of failed attempts at love and then finally meet someone who makes you realize the divine timing behind it all. That kind of bliss will help you recognize that all the trials and tribulations were worth it.
Confusion may set in if the relationship feels familiar– like you’ve known them before. A sense of deja vu can denote a prior lifetime together. These types of relationships often come with karmic baggage that need to be recognized, worked through, and healed. Many people incarnate together over lifetimes because they are part of the same soul group, or soulmates. They can even be family members or friends, not just romantic partners. These relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies. Soulmates help each other grow and transform, which can sometimes be painful. Soulmate relationships can also manifest joy, abundance, and playfulness. The wide spectrum of communication, from deeply concerning topics to blissful days of love and laughter, will keep these soulmates anything but bored. They could spend hours together and still have a lot to talk about. Other days, they could sit in silence and still understand what the other is feeling based on feeling their vibe. Since you’ve known each other through many physical densities, the soul is the one constant connection. And feeling a connection with someone on that level will bring many ethereal ideas and energies into the physical.

We live in a very interesting time of life. The Earth is transmuting old stagnant energies into a golden age. In preparation of that, many people are coming into union with their twin flame. A twin flame is like a soulmate, and can have very similar vibes, but these relationships are more intense. Why? Because a twin flame is literally your parallel soul. Many clairvoyants say that twin flames come into union during their last lifetimes on Earth, once they are the most spiritually evolved through lifetimes of learning. When twins meet each other, they will find a lot of similarities between them even though they have never physically met before. They will find themselves drawn to one another for some reason. That’s because they have been joined in the 5th dimension way before either of them incarnated here. Their lives may share a lot of parallels. They may have similar ancestry, share similar childhood experiences, maybe they’ve even had the same family pets, or come into a lot of money, and lost it all supporting their families at similar times. Maybe they even eat similarly no matter how strange the diet is in terms of societal norms. Maybe there’s a telepathic element there where you seem to be listening to the same songs, or feeling each other’s feelings even without saying a word. I’m speaking from experience. When twins come together, their energy is joyful yet intense. Their childlike humor and sense of adventure makes everyone around them feel happy. They help each other grow and challenge each other like soulmates do, but a twin also comes with many keys of happiness the other needs and vice versa. When twin flames come into union, it’s a huge blessing to not only themselves, but the world. We live in a world of free will choices though and twins and soulmates may choose to experience relationships with other people. When that happens, your 5th dimensional self often knows the divine timing behind why you are separated from your twin, even though your 3rd dimensional self may not fully understand. Everything happens for a reason, even if our finite human minds may not comprehend the reasoning. The point is though, once they come into contact, they are both forever changed.

While the intensity of these relationships have the potential to rock your world, they also have the potential to heal your world. It’s about which mind you and your soulmate are feeding: one of fear or one of love. We live in a free world so the decision is yours. The beautiful thing is that there is never a wrong decision. Either way, you will learn. Keep in mind that love experienced between two beings is just recognition of the source within another person. This is always within you. You do not need a twin or a soulmate to feel the loving energy of the universe. However, having someone to channel those higher dimensional energies with does bring many additional blessings to this planet. When we send each other love, it builds.

If you desire to manifest a relationship like this, the best thing you can do is to decide to love yourself. When you work on becoming your greatest version and following your bliss, you’ll attract the higher self of someone else who is also coming into their own. Furthermore, doing things that you are passionate about will lead you to places where others are also passionate about similar things. It’s there that you’ll meet your soul group, your tribe. If you think you’ve met this person, heart to heart conversations are key. Keeping information is literally keeping someone in the dark. Shed light on how you are feeling. Also, buckle up, buttercup. There are many stages twins go through before coming into union. While the fairytale stage is blissful, the turmoil of purging any fears stage, and the runner and the chaser stage is not for the weak of heart. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. Let it go and see what comes back. It is in the moments we stop looking that it comes to fruition. ✨

The Gift of a Life Shift

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

If there is one thing you can expect in life, it is the unexpected. Things that you don’t expect are often sent to you to shift your life to where it’s meant to go. Embrace any unexpected change and you’ll find that things come to you at the perfect time. Be wary of any attachment to any vision you have of the future. The biggest favor you can do for yourself amidst a major shift of your life is to relinquish control to the universe. This may seem difficult to do at first, but surrendering and letting go of any fears surrounding change is key to working with the universe to manifest positive outcomes in your favor.

A shift is a gift that is meant to help you grow and to experience things that will help you along your journey. Sometimes our lives are meant to be shaken, rearranged, and adjusted to bring us to decisions we need to make and places we need to be. Once the dust settles, it becomes easier to see the blessings you otherwise wouldn’t have experienced without a shift in your world. Life has a way of working itself out. Shift happens, and when it does, enjoy the wonderful, synchronistic ride.

The Curious Mystery of the Missing Crystal

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

I had been wearing the same amethyst around my neck for the better part of a couple years. About a month ago, a random woman came up to me and told me she could see Archangel Michael behind me and that I am always protected. She made a comment that I don’t really need my necklace. I instantly knew she was referring to the amethyst I had chosen to wear for protection. I was elated to get a message like that on a day I had been seeing a lot of Angel Numbers, and deeply felt it was genuine and heartfelt. Even with such a beautiful message, I didn’t want to part with the crystal I had become so partial to wearing. I eventually bought a new crystal, a rose quartz, meant as a replacement, but still couldn’t bring myself to separate the amethyst from my necklace.

Last week, I noticed the crystal was missing from my necklace before I went to bed. Retracing my steps seemed impossible since it was lost on my day off and I had ran a bunch of errands all over the place. I really wanted to know what had come of it. More importantly, I didn’t want this loss to be a waste. Instead of being completely bummed about it, I said a little prayer that someone who needs it will find it, and hoped for the best.

A few days later, a coworker of mine, who I will call Sandy, stopped by my desk and started telling me about how she just came inside from her work break. Sandy was sitting in her car reading articles on the Internet about celebrities that carry crystals. This sparked an interest in her that lead her to research crystals to help herself. She realized she wanted to purchase an amethyst for a particular concern she had that very morning. As she came to this realization towards the end of her break, she opened her door and stepped outside to feel something break beneath her foot. She extended her hand at this point in the story to show me a broken amethyst. But it wasn’t just any amethyst.

“That’s my crystal!” I exclaimed, in utter disbelief. I proceeded to tell Sandy about the woman who came up to me randomly saying that I don’t need my necklace, and how it came to be missing. It was bizarre that it happened to drop in my work’s parking lot to begin with since I had literally only stopped there in an area I never really even park in for a moment on my day off.

It was clear through such a synchronistic series of events that the crystal was meant for Sandy. We both had goosebumps and exchanged a series of excited statements. However, we were both slightly concerned it was broken, and started researching interpretations of the meanings behind broken crystals. The first site that we opened said that when a crystal is broken, it can mean it’s work with you is done and it is a sign to gift it to someone else who needs it. The fact it broke and the way it broke made me feel even better about letting it go. Sandy now keeps the crystal pieces in her pocket daily as she is working on a healing.

It was such an auspicious day from the start, even before Sandy happened to stop and talk to me, particularly, instead of the dozens of people working around us. The moon was full, and I kept seeing even more angel numbers than usual. It was like a heightened intuition had come over everyone with whom I came in contact. A different coworker happened to give me my work break at 4:44, which means angels are all around you. When everyone works together to bring each other signs and messages without even trying, it just shows how connected we all are. As for the missing crystal, it was never really missing at all, just repurposed for a greater need.

Facing Perception and Rejection

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

During the time in my life I consider my spiritual awakening, everything I had come to know was transitioning. I had surrounded myself in high school and college with very judgmental people who loved to gossip, chase wealth, party, and position themselves as elite in many ways. It has taken many years to funnel the people out of my life who refused to grow, and surround myself with totally accepting, loving people. I started this journey alone in many respects as I let go of those that no longer had my best interest at heart. I had experienced so many synchronistic moments after my dad had passed that I was busting at the seams wanting to share them. I sometimes worried about what others would think of me if I openly talked about signs from heaven and life after death. The beautiful truth that the dead are never lost is something that I wanted to share beyond myth, legend, and fairytale. Synchronicity made this truth tangible for me, and I felt my story would help others. Synchronicity taught me that all beings are deeply connected, even in death. I felt a deep calling to make this work the center of my life.

There was one day in particular, right after I quit the insurance biz and focused on writing, that I meditated outside behind my apartment in the sun. There was a long stretch of grass near the woods that lined up against my complex that I often liked to visit. It was a gorgeous spring day. I sat concentrating on a patch of dandelions nearby. The only way I can describe my state of being was one of a blissful trance. I was beaming from the inside out and smiling. I felt at peace with myself and finally free from pressures of a stuffy business job and business school. I knew others (at least the others that were in my life at that point in time) would not understand my choices, but I wanted to share this peace I had found with the world.
A thought came to me as I happily sat near a bunch of dandelions, enjoying their beautiful bright yellow color that resonated with me as such a happy flower. I thought about how many people think of this beautiful flower as a weed. I realized that I was very much like a dandelion as well. I remember concentrating on a particular sentence as I continued to meditate: “Some people think I am a weed, but really I am a beautiful flower.” This truth truly freed me from any perceived judgements of others. At that moment, it didn’t matter what anyone said or thought about me. My heart was full of love and my soul was lit by a calling to share my spiritual experiences, no matter how others perceived my choices.

I sat in the sun for quite some time until finally I decided to make my way back to my apartment. As I opened the screen door, I was greeted by my two miniature dachshunds, Reesie and Scooby. Over their happy yelps and wagging tails due to my return home, I heard my email notification on my iPhone go off. I picked up my phone off of the kitchen table to check it out. It was a Live Nation email letting me know I was eligible for a pre-sale for my husband’s favorite band that was going to be playing across the street at Meadowbrook, where they had never played before. I could often hear bands play there from my place it was so close. Extremely interested, I scrolled down the email to get the code. To my absolute joy, the code for the pre-sale just happened to be “dandelion” when moments ago I had meditated so intensely on a dandelion. Albert Einstein once said coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. I took this meaningful coincidence as validation of my break through. When synchronicity happens, I often perceive the meaningful coincidence as the universe’s way of telling me to keep going.

From that moment on, I haven’t cared about what other people think of me. If there is one thing I learned from that experience it is that even if the majority of the population perceives you as a weed, you will still find others out there who know you as the beautiful flower you are. The perception of a weed and a flower is only established by your mentality. The way you view the world is your choice. To let others’ choices define you is a mistake in thinking. My hope is that this story helps you overcome the judgement of others and know true freedom to be yourself.

Above All Things, This Story is About Love

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

About ten years ago, I received numerous mixed burnt CDs from my friend Jeff, whom I called Christian, and he called me Mercedes. Jeff and I were very close and had tons of great memories getting ready for a night out or dancing in the car to the music he made us. In 2008, when I bought the iPod I still have now, I uploaded all of these music files and named the ones I recognized. There was an amazing instrumental that speeds up the tempo as the song goes on. It is mesmerizing. I didn’t recognize it, so I saved the artist under “Ask Jeff Feys”. I always meant to ask him what this instrumental was from, but unfortunately never found out.

Friday night, I decided to put something on I hadn’t seen in awhile. I put on the movie Moulin Rouge. It had probably been about 5 years since I watched it, so I am not sure why I decided to put it on Friday. The movie embodies the bohemian lifestyle, upholding the values Truth, Beauty, Freedom and Love. It is something that has resonated with me since I was in middle school. The movie ends in tragedy, however, the message is clear. “The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” Even though the main character, Satine, dies tragically, she definitely was able to love and be loved before she died. Even though she dies, she was able to learn the greatest lesson there is to learn in life.

I sat through the movie and cried like I usually would. The ending credits came on, and I sat on my couch with my dog, Reesie, not wanting to get up quite yet. To my surprise, a familiar song that had eluded me for years came on during the ending credits of the movie. Yes, it was the “Ask Jeff Feys” instrumental from my iPod. I found myself very happy and smiling that the mystery was finally solved. I recalled Jeff loving this movie, so it made sense. I was surprised I hadn’t stopped to listen to the credits before.

The next day, I logged onto Facebook, about to tell him about the song. To my devastation, I found out he had passed the night before. Jeff had tragically died by being hit by a car when he was crossing the street in Warren, Michigan. I spent my 4th of July thinking about Jeff all day. Part of me felt guilty that we hadn’t spoke much lately outside of Facebook. The other part of me laughed and giggled at all of our ridiculous memories together as I listened to old mixed CDs he gave me with hilariously inappropriate titles, like “Cupcake for Mr. and Mrs. Titface”. Jeff was one of the brightest people I ever knew. I know people say that about people who passed all the time, but Jeff was different. Jeff truly lit up a room with his larger than life personality and presence. He was one of the funniest people I knew. He was greatly loved, and he cared so much for other people.

He personally helped me find myself after I graduated high school. I ended a 4 year relationship, and Jeff was right there with me, filling my days with laughter and uplifting memories. I recall working on a song with my vocal coach at a music college I attended. She taught me to bring more emotion to the song I was singing by telling me to think of the most upbeat, energetic person I knew. It worked like a charm because I knew the perfect person to channel. That person was Jeff.

Now that the initial shock has worn off, I am left to reflect about the events from this past weekend. It was extremely auspicious to me that the mystery song he gave me was solved hours within his passing. I can’t help but feel he made sure to answer the question I had on my IPod for years the night he left us. I found out the song was put at the end of the movie to lift the viewers’ mood after witnessing such a tragic end for Satine. This is why the tempo starts slow and speeds up at the end. I see so many parallels between the lesson from the movie and the lesson of Jeff’s life. I do not believe this was a mere coincidence. He died way too young, and very tragically. To be hit by a car crossing the street is not the way Jeff ever expected to go, I’m sure. I keep coming back to the message in the movie and how it can also relate to Jeff’s life: the greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return. Jeff was undoubtedly loved. He was deeply loved and will be missed dearly. I definitely believe he learned how to love and be loved in his short lifetime, more than most. That’s the silver lining in all of this.

I love you, Jeffrey.

Rest in Peace.

1986-2015

Tales of a Spiritually-Closeted Socialite

Posted by Julie Tourangeau

Growing up, it was common knowledge for me that we had past lives, angels were real, and our loved ones never truly left us. My mom often taught my sister and I about angels and how to ask for help. We were taught to shield ourselves with white light. If we needed help with anything, we were taught to say “on Angels’ wings…”, something that my sister got tattooed as an adult. As I got older, these beliefs became internal and less acknowledged in everyday interactions. I often explained why I was a vegetarian to people, because I believed humans and animals come from the same source, but I never got much more into it than that.

My dad passed away a month before my 21st birthday. What is an American college girl to do to get over her grief? I started going out… a lot. I was the girl who orchestrated nights out, limos, and townhouse parties. As my social network grew, I often threw VIP parties at local bars, and organized themed parties at my place. I filled my grief with friends and vodka. I didn’t care if you were gay, straight, considered an outcast in high school, or what your background was. I knew life can be hard and that everyone deserved a good time. I feel that’s why so many different kinds of people were friendly with me. If you were the odd one out because you couldn’t afford to come, I would pay. If you needed a ride, I would drive. If you wanted a place to crash, I would accommodate. I loved bringing different people together and having a good time. My little pockets of friends became one big circle. I never wanted the party to end. While I delved deeper into the social scene in southeast Michigan, and made friends around my college, I also started receiving signs and messages from my father through psychics and tangible signs at synchronistic moments, which wasn’t the lightest party subject. I kept a lot of my experiences to myself for awhile. I would go out with metaphysical crystals in my purse, and an angel wing around my neck, all the while feeling a little bit like a hypocrite and not completely myself.

Through my journey I realized my most dramatic signs were experienced while sober. My biggest breakthroughs happened when I gave up drinking. I made a promise to myself to do whatever it took to take care of myself and help my intuition. I started using natural beauty products, gave up drinking, drank lots of fruit smoothies, and ate lots of healthful veggies and fruits (See video: 5 Steps to Develop Psychic Awareness). Signs were coming to me all the time, but I often missed my friends.

While most of my “party” friends lost interest in me when I stopped going out, I hung on to a few. For the sake of privacy, we will be calling my best friend, Miles. Miles and I loved going to a gay bar named Pronto in Royal Oak for Karaoke night. I remember deciding to go out again for the first time since I promised myself to take better care of myself. It would be my first sober night at this particular place.

Miles and I made our way over to the bartenders, who knew our names. I ordered a lemonade instead of my usual raspberry stoli and lemonade. The music was loud and the place was only mildly busy. We stood next to the bar, avoiding blocking others who wanted to walk up for a drink.

I started telling Miles about the increase in signs I had been getting. He knew I had experienced numerology signs, but it was evolving (See video: Signs from Heaven Using Numerology).

“It’s more than just repeating numbers now at weird times. It’s been feathers and pennies lately,” I said loudly over the music. ” I will be thinking about my dad or Angels and I will see a penny in a weird place or a feather will come into my view at that moment.”

While I was looking at Miles, I felt as if something dropped on my right foot. I looked down to see a penny facing up on my black, knee-high boot.

“Umm, are you serious right now?” I exclaimed to my friend. “Did you drop that?”

“No,” Miles answered as he held his drink.

We both looked around. There wasn’t anyone next to us or any sign of someone passing by. At that moment, we both looked up as if it fell from the sky and laughed. Miles had this contagious, goofy laugh everyone loved to mimic. The old bar ceiling was painted a dark color and had patterns that suggested it was built a century ago. It had no logical place a penny could have fallen from.

“That’s really weird,” Miles said, still laughing.

I couldn’t help but smile. I was elated at the sight of a sign right on cue.

“See what I mean! There are even Angels with us right here in the gay bar!” I said, excitedly.

Those moments taught me that the divine is everywhere with everyone, no exceptions. The absence of the divine is just perception from man and is a fallacy. Even in a late night bar with drunken people, the divine is there. No one is excluded. No moment is excluded. It took a night out in a different state of mind to marry my two experiences of life: a party girl, and a spiritual practitioner. Perception is everything.