Vegan Confessions: I Dated a Hunter.

When I found myself out of married life and suddenly single, it literally took me years to get back out there. I rebuilt my life from rock bottom to this beautiful, passion-driven career focus. I’d be damned if I was going to let a guy into my life to destroy what I built again. It took a job promotion and moving to a whole new town with literally no friends to finally have the desire to make an online dating account.

It took me awhile to find anyone I was even remotely interested in. I grew tired of swiping left on all the Michigan boys holding bloody deer heads and dead fish proudly for the camera in their profile pictures, so I put right in my bio: no hunters, please ✌🏼 . The intention was set for a relationship based in common interests.

One of the first guys I met was super nervous after reading up on me. For privacy’s sake, let’s call him Ben. Ben saw I was super passionate about veganism in my bio and thought if he shared he enjoyed deer hunting, I would unmatch him for sure. He decided to take the second route: hide it until he saw me in person. And it paid off.

We met shortly after I moved to this area, and hit it off right away. He laughed nervously as he told me he was a hunter, and begged me to give him a chance. I right away wrote it off as something that wouldn’t last, but he seemed sincere, so I listened. I soon realized Ben loved animals. He loved being outside and surrounded by nature, and that’s why he loved to hunt and fish. He had certain qualities he would look for to try to pick a deer that has already lived, and didn’t have babies. He trained dogs by day, and was knowledgeable at animal psychology and genuinely cared. I could see his heart. His genuine intention for animals is to love them and be close to them.

Ben quickly became my best friend in this area and casually dated me a few times a week. We never really ate together, and he tolerated my vegan burritos, but was turned off instantly at the word “vegan” in front of anything. Despite this, we tried to find desserts we both liked and restaurants we both liked (which is a challenge in mid-Michigan). It all seemed like it was going well. He knew my coworkers and friends, he came with me to a wedding, and we were growing closer and closer, until….. November: hunting season.

It didn’t become known to me he had an issue with me being vegan until things got real. What set me on this nutrition focused path was looking for answers after my dad died of cancer back in 2008, never smoked, never drank, but ate a high meat, Atkins diet. The ten year anniversary was in November this year. Ben spent that day with me making sure I was okay. I found myself on my vegan soap box spewing all of my knowledge about preventing disease and longevity with a plant based, Whole Foods Diet. This was the first time I really let my vegan freak flag fly with him.

And then, I said it: “I want to raise my kids vegan so they have the best shot at life.”

This statement, unknown to me at the time I made it, lead to a 4 day blackout period where I didn’t hear from Ben. The man who stayed with me on the anniversary of my dad’s death, told me he was in love with me, and drove me to a wedding hours away, wouldn’t even text me back, until he finally explained.

Ben texted: “If 4 days is a problem, how are you going to feel when I’m on a two week hunting excursion in my near future? You talk about veganism 25% of the time, and I will not raise my kids vegan. It’s something I never wanted to learn about. And I don’t want to hunt and think about how my lady doesn’t approve. It’s not that you’re vegan, it’s that I can’t escape it. And I can’t change you so I’m letting go. ”

After 6 months of friendship and companionship, we are now strangers who don’t speak. 👌🏼

If I learned anything valuable from Ben, it would be how to look at someone who hunts compassionately. Many hunters’ main motivation for hunting is a misguided love for animals and nature. Knowing this is honestly such a gift and has helped me cope with living in an area surrounded by them. It also taught me another very valuable lesson: the red flags you ignore in the beginning will be the very reason your relationship ends. Never let anyone make you feel bad for setting standards out of self love. If they don’t meet them, not a match. 💚🌱✨

The Twin Flame Conundrum

I never really fully understood what the spiritual community meant by a “twin flame” and I confused the term for a soulmate for a really long time. I’m finding the people who truly meet their twin flames are those who dare to live with passion and purpose, despite impossible odds. The desire to live your fullest life that helps others will set your life in motion to meet them. The events that lead to meet them may be heart wrenching and difficult, but it was the Universe doing you a kindness to redirect your life perfectly. Twin flames are literally a part of your soul with a shared purpose, and are the most incredible mirror of your self. Everything about you will be amplified. The meeting of twin flames is so intense, both are changed forever. Sometimes the meeting is brief. But more likely, it’s a string of events that can be described as a roller coaster, a push and pull, a magnet that both attracts and repels. It will leave your friends and family questioning, and your brain second guessing. But your heart will always know and be set on this person.

I find that most people don’t even meet their twin flames and lead perfectly fulfilling lives with their soulmate or karmic relationship. Some people meet their twin flames and never actually marry them. The relationship is so intense, that it’s difficult to maintain in this 3dimensional reality. Both partners need to constantly release negativity and work on themselves to even hope to be together. A twin is your mirror, and while it can mirror the most heavenly love back to you, it can also mirror every insecurity, and every dark place you still hold in the back of your consciousness.

How do you know if you met your twin flame? I can only really speak to my own experience. You will instantly recognize them as someone significant, because it will be in perfect, divine timing. For me, I always see repeating 4’s during significant times, and the first time I learned the name of mine, I also saw his phone number ending in 444. You’ll meet your twin flame with such a small decision that could have gone either way. Then one day you’ll realize it was always meant to happen. They will share life experiences that you yourself have gone through that you didn’t think was possible to be shared with another human. You may listen to the same music, or have the same type of dogs, or share the same beliefs. My twin flame and I both lost 100 lbs, and left really unhealthy lifestyles around the same year. He also came into and lost a lot of money the same years I did, supporting our family and friends. When I first walked into my twin flame’s apartment, it looked exactly like my first apartment from the color on the walls, to the dream catchers displayed in the same weird way, to the same products and the same vibes. You can probably find yourself around their kitchen, and every single thing will be in the same spot, down to the same exact glass cutting board you both purchased. You may even both share the same random first concert, and it could be a band that often sings about love and intuition, and a higher power, even if they aren’t popular anymore. You may also both question yourself in similar ways, and have the deepest empathy you’ve ever felt for another human. If they are having a bad day, you can feel it, even hundreds of miles away.

When you are together, either everything will line up and fall together in the most magical, synchronistic way, or it can be a series of unfortunate events. You both manifest so strongly together that your focus of your thoughts will attract your reality and experiences for the day. This is by design, to manifest a big purpose together. Here in lies the twin flame conundrum. You and your twin flame truly have to master yourselves to make sure you are both manifesting the beautiful things you both deserve, versus the hell your darker parts try to make you believe you deserve. This was a hard one for me to recognize as someone who has grown so much and overcame some really testing situations. If your twin flame is struggling to love themselves enough to overcome their past, you also have more work to do. If your twin flame is still punishing themselves for past mistakes, instead of living in the moment, then you are too. Your twin is literally your perfect mirror, and any part of their ego you are analyzing is probably something you’ll have to analyze yourself.

I don’t have all the answers, but I have learned a few things I would like to share:

1. Don’t take the hard times too seriously, and remain positive. Your focus becomes your world, especially with the power behind your twin flame manifestations. Let the negative go, transmute perceived problems, and tell the story of the good times and the good things, and remind yourself how everything is working out as it should.

2. Things aren’t always as they seem. Twin flames connect on the deepest levels, and to focus on what’s happening on the surface level is missing the big picture.

3. Send them love, always. The moment you start sending them any darker emotion, is the moment you are only creating trouble for yourself. This also extends to what you say about them to other people. Your twin flame is a super intuitive person like yourself, and you want them to feel good, and in turn you’ll feel good.

4. Compassion is key. To have compassion for what your twin flame is going through is also extending compassion to yourself. Punishing them for a behavior is the last thing you want to do. The best thing is to try to extend understanding for anything that may be perceived as negative.

5. Focus on yourself. This seems counter intuitive sometimes, but when you are kind to yourself, you are doing them a kindness. This Love is so deep, that when you focus on yourself, and raise your own vibration, you are also uplifting them.

If I could tell myself one thing when I first met him, it would be to not be so caught up in whether or not you are in “union”. If you close your eyes, and you can feel them, there you go. You are in union. I hope this helps someone going through the same thing. There’s no exact manual or exact science, but this world is full of healers and people with purpose to help change the world for the better. With the state of our world, it’s no wonder that people with huge purposes are walking this planet. Everything is perfect, and everything is happening as it should. Trust the Universe. 💚✌🏼

Crossroads All Lead Home

Shifts and fluctuations in our surroundings is a part of life. Life is ever changing, ever expanding. Some people grow together, some grow apart. But the truth is, even if you are disappointed in who stays or who leaves, it’s all there for a reason. It’s all about resonance. Someone will vibe with you for one part of the journey, and then something shifts and they are vibing somewhere else. The right doors will open and close for you as a result of your vibration. You are attracting every crossroad for your highest good. 

Always remember that those who leave never really left. We carry pieces of everyone we have ever brought into our awareness. It is up to us to transmute these experiences, as they are always within us. Everyone carries a piece of you with them. Everything you experience and everyone you meet is always within you as well. This truth is that everything is limitless and infinitely connected to everything else. Separation is an illusion. There is only one all-that-is, always. 💫✌🏼

The Self-Love Transformation

Taking a moment to reflect on my weight loss journey tonight, I am appreciating where I am at. Many people are surprised when I tell them I’ve never actually set a goal weight. In fact, I only recently even bought a scale and that was due to being interviewed about my weight loss. I just wanted to be able to speak about my weight with certainty. Even now, though many people acknowledge I have a ways to go or more weight to lose, I still don’t really have an end goal. 

Dr. Wayne Dyer was a brilliant man, whose life’s work has affected my own greatly. He once said that, “Deficiency motivation doesn’t work. It will lead to a life-long pursuit of try to fix me. Learn to appreciate what you have and where and who you are.” This resonated with me on a deep level. 

When you focus on lack, you experience more of it. I don’t want to spend my life being someone who focuses on fixing all of the perceived problems I may or may not even have. When I stopped focusing on my weight problem, I stopped having a weight problem. My weight loss has truly happened out of self-love. I wake up everyday and try to do better for myself. I became discerning in all areas of my life: from food, to the people I allow around me, to how I occupy my time, to the thoughts that flow through my mind. I choose what’s best for me in that moment. I eat plants that’ll make me feel good and motivated to be active, versus processed food that makes me feel like crap. I let go of people who cut me down (even if it’s a joke, it’s never nice) and hang around the ones that build good vibes with me. I meditate instead of focusing on the thoughts that stress me out. It’s really been simple. Enough time has passed that physically, I’ve drastically changed from who I was even a year ago. 

Even now, standing at a hundred pounds lighter, there are people who can only see what I have yet to lose, focusing on lack. I don’t listen to them. I focus on what I’ve gained, what I’ve accomplished, and how amazing the human body really is. When you focus on loving who you are in this moment, everything changes. When you stop listening to the people who don’t believe in you, you start to believe in yourself. This mentality and way of life has opened doors I only dreamed of. The more you focus on being love, which is your true, authentic self, the physical transformation will also become evident. 

When the Unthinkable Happens: 5 Lessons from the Afterlife 

Hearing about the death of a family member has triggered some deep reflection today. I think back to losing my dad, and how painful the funeral and family drama really was for me and my sibling. Dealing with a close death was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and I did it at such a young age. At the same time, it has taught me so much more about myself, existence, and divine timing than I could have ever imagined. It’s easy when something traumatic happens in this third dimensional reality to focus on the physical absence. What’s beautiful has been to see my dad reach out to us through undeniable signs, famous mediums, and not-so-famous intuitives during the passed eight years. I chronicle these life changing experiences in my upcoming book. 

There are a few life and afterlife lessons I have learned definitively that I want to share with those who are grieving today: 

1. Death is completely physical. Consciousness survives the physical death of the body. I received confirmation upon confirmation of this fact. One of the most hair raising moments was when it sounded like my dad’s voice and personality was literally coming through Theresa Caputo, TLC’s The Long Island Medium. Furthermore, modern science is also explaining death is an illusion through quantum physics. 

2. While no one ever really dies, their perspective changes to a metaphysical perspective. They no longer see existence from this third dimensional, human experience. Having this new bird’s eye view enables our loved ones to watch over us and work with angels to bring us signs, serving a new purpose in our lives as guardian angels. 

3. No matter how abrupt or untimely the death of someone seems, all death is on divine time. Awakening to this fact requires faith and trust. Like all experiences in life, we have the free will choice to let the experience tear us apart or make us stronger than ever. Making positive interpretations of death brings us to the highest perspective, inviting the miraculous into our lives. 

4. Speaking with our deceased loved ones is only a mental phone call away. While I didn’t always get an immediate reply, my dad always heard me and found ways to answer my questions. Know that they do see us, hear us, and know what we are going through. 

5. Our loved ones find their loved ones who have passed on the other side. No one is ever really alone and separation is an illusion. One of the first things my dad let me know is that he found his brother, which I wrote about how I came to know this years ago in my blog post “All Gays Go to Heaven“. 

These lessons have been learned through a lot of tears, and a lot of healing. My heart goes out to everyone going through losing a loved one. My intention is to share my experiences with the hope it brings comfort to those who feel lost. No one ever really dies, and death is not the end, just a doorway. We all eventually walk through that door. Love shared is eternal, and you will meet again. 

Indigo Problems: Modern Dating 

Our generation is full of fiery indigo spiritual warriors who want humanity to be free. Indigos stand up for injustice on such a passionate platform, no matter where the chips may fall. These characteristics, while admirable, don’t always translate well into the dating world. Commitment, devotion and loyalty may seem to be synonymous with wearing shackles, tethering yourself to another individual for the indigo. The indigo spirit shuns anything that seems to impose on personal freedoms, including being with someone which may seem to limit your freedom connecting with others.

Even those who are experiencing synchronicity with a potential mate may run into doubts and problems. Synchronicity is a term coined by psychologist Carl Jung. He recognized that meaningful coincidences exist in this world as confirmation from the universe. What helped me recognize meaningful coincidences as miraculous is actually having a business background. Once you study statistics, you realize that the chances of experiencing a string of profound coincidences are one in a billion. Albert Einstein believed that coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. My experiences have confirmed that synchronicity is experiencing the most tangible presence of God in this third dimensional density. I see answers to my prayers come to me when I follow synchronicity. It’s here for everyone but because we have free will, we can choose to ignore it. We can choose to live without it. We can choose to turn our backs to the miraculous. 

Why do people choose to ignore divine guidance? This topic could be an article all on it’s own, but the most simple answer is fear. Following synchronicity means you are trusting in a divine intelligence. Many people struggle to give up their need to control everything. Following divine guidance is a form of surrendering your ego. Letting go of the ego can be difficult, depending where you are at on your spiritual journey. 

As an intuitive and former whistleblower, I strongly identify with indigo qualities. I, however, feel great freedom in love. Here’s why: to be unconditionally loved by someone is the greatest form of freedom you’ll ever know. To be yourself, unapologetically, and to still have someone love you unconditionally empowers you to just be you. Making that switch in my mind that love doesn’t mean you limit my choices, but love means you build upon and strengthen who I am, has made the difference in opening my heart to love. 

We live in an abundant universe so never believe for a second that love will be denied. The most important thing you can do is to love yourself. Focus on things that inspire you. Follow your passions. Do things that interest you. These actions will lead you to people who also share similar passions. You’ll find that love you are looking for as soon as you call off the search. There is great freedom in love, and recognizing that fact will soothe even the most rebellious indigo soul. 

Facing Perception and Rejection

  
During the time in my life I consider my spiritual awakening, everything I had come to know was transitioning. I had surrounded myself in high school and college with very judgmental people who loved to gossip, chase wealth, party, and position themselves as elite in many ways. It has taken many years to funnel the people out of my life who refused to grow, and surround myself with totally accepting, loving people. I started this journey alone in many respects as I let go of those that no longer had my best interest at heart. I had experienced so many synchronistic moments after my dad had passed that I was busting at the seams wanting to share them. I sometimes worried about what others would think of me if I openly talked about signs from heaven and life after death. The beautiful truth that the dead are never lost is something that I wanted to share beyond myth, legend, and fairytale. Synchronicity made this truth tangible for me, and I felt my story would help others. Synchronicity taught me that all beings are deeply connected, even in death. I felt a deep calling to make this work the center of my life. 

There was one day in particular, right after I quit the insurance biz and focused on writing, that I meditated outside behind my apartment in the sun. There was a long stretch of grass near the woods that lined up against my complex that I often liked to visit. It was a gorgeous spring day. I sat concentrating on a patch of dandelions nearby. The only way I can describe my state of being was one of a blissful trance. I was beaming from the inside out and smiling. I felt at peace with myself and finally free from pressures of a stuffy business job and business school. I knew others (at least the others that were in my life at that point in time) would not understand my choices, but I wanted to share this peace I had found with the world. 
A thought came to me as I happily sat near a bunch of dandelions, enjoying their beautiful bright yellow color that resonated with me as such a happy flower. I thought about how many people think of this beautiful flower as a weed. I realized that I was very much like a dandelion as well. I remember concentrating on a particular sentence as I continued to meditate: “Some people think I am a weed, but really I am a beautiful flower.” This truth truly freed me from any perceived judgements of others. At that moment, it didn’t matter what anyone said or thought about me. My heart was full of love and my soul was lit by a calling to share my spiritual experiences, no matter how others perceived my choices. 

I sat in the sun for quite some time until finally I decided to make my way back to my apartment. As I opened the screen door, I was greeted by my two miniature dachshunds, Reesie and Scooby. Over their happy yelps and wagging tails due to my return home, I heard my email notification on my iPhone go off. I picked up my phone off of the kitchen table to check it out. It was a Live Nation email letting me know I was eligible for a pre-sale for my husband’s favorite band that was going to be playing across the street at Meadowbrook, where they had never played before. I could often hear bands play there from my place it was so close. Extremely interested, I scrolled down the email to get the code. To my absolute joy, the code for the pre-sale just happened to be “dandelion” when moments ago I had meditated so intensely on a dandelion. Albert Einstein once said coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous. I took this meaningful coincidence as validation of my break through. When synchronicity happens, I often perceive the meaningful coincidence as the universe’s way of telling me to keep going. 

From that moment on, I haven’t cared about what other people think of me. If there is one thing I learned from that experience it is that even if the majority of the population perceives you as a weed, you will still find others out there who know you as the beautiful flower you are. The perception of a weed and a flower is only established by your mentality. The way you view the world is your choice. To let others’ choices define you is a mistake in thinking. My hope is that this story helps you overcome the judgement of others and know true freedom to be yourself.